Hi Reader,

A few weeks back, we went to an open mat and a bbq at the jujitsu studio my son attended for a few weeks. (another one bites the dust)

Anyway...

Socializing in a new crowd brings up some uncomfortable feelings for me, and I used to avoid this kind of social interaction as much as possible, but as I'm changing, so is life.

Here's How I Used My Tools to Deal With Social Anxiety

I'll explain my process and the mindset shifts and techniques I use as I work through emotional triggers.

Before We Left the House

I hung out in the bathroom for a while, feeling kinda sickish, I was going to say sorry to my husband and kids for waiting, but instead, I thanked them for their patience.

As a kid, we stopped at so many bathrooms, and everyone had to wait for me. It was a lot of pressure and made me feel like I was a problem; too much.

As an adult, I'm learning to tell myself that I'm worth waiting for, and I'm proud of myself for taking an uncomfortable step forward for myself and my family.

In the Car

As soon as the car started moving, I felt some panic come on. I began tapping. My husband looked over and asked why I was nervous- I'd been to the studio before.

Being vulnerable and honest- I told him that my body felt stressed and I was calming it down. Once I was done, I explained to him that social situations bring up feelings of inadequacy and like I don't belong.

======>Notice I didn't say social anxiety. It's okay to say you have social anxiety, but it's better to identify the real reason you feel uncomfortable in social situations.

In the past, I would've either tried to ignore the feelings coming on, hoping they would go away-which then led to spiraling out of control, or I would've turned around and allowed the fear to take control.

At the Parking Lot of the Studio

I didn't know what to do first. Should I push myself, say hello to different people, and start conversations?

Or, would I accept who I am and where I am right now, put one foot in front of the other, and acknowledge that I don't have to pretend I'm not uncomfortable, I don't have to start up conversations?

======> I don't need to worry about what anyone thinks of me- when I'm okay with who I am- everything else takes care of itself.

At the Event

We went in; I said hello to the really cheerful lady behind the desk. She lives with a smile on her face, so she's impossible not to say hi to.

Then, I started a conversation with another mom. (Hey me!)

It was kinda easy to get a converstation going- her daughter just said, "I'll give you a fat Cheeto because you're fat." (The woman is probably 110lbs)

That was an easy segway as my middle child just told me I looked like a grandma that morning.

After we exchanged some war stories, we talked a little about school and other mom stuff.

God helps us out because this woman was a super socializer who easily worked around my aversion to small talk and all the awkward pauses.

The Moment I Couldn't See One of My Kids

Surprisingly I didn't panic when I lost sight of my youngest, Scarlette (for about five seconds).

I would usually just start frantically screaming "SCARLETTE," but since I've been focusing on trusting God, myself, and recognizing that not everyone is out to harm us, I was able to calm down fairly quickly.

When I Knew I Had Enough

I wanted to leave within a minute of getting there, so when I told my husband after an hour and a half that I was ready to go, I felt like that was great progress.

He cheerfully agreed, and I said goodbye to the first person I made eye contact with and walked (ran) off.

In the past, I would've either not gone, left right away, or waited way too long, completely ignoring what my body told me.

======> One of the signs you know you're healing is when you know your limits, but you also know when it's okay to push a little outside your comfort zone and when it's time to accept that you've had enough.

What I learned Overall

When we got back in the car, I felt great. I was grateful I went and excited that I'd have another story to share with you, proving that we can heal.

And you know, even more than healing- we can learn to be kind and attentive to ourselves when our default is to ignore and shame ourselves thinking that will get us to change.

It reminds me of John 13:35 when Jesus said,

To disciple means to teach. Even when teaching yourself- you do it because you love yourself.

Then out of that love for yourself, you begin to heal.

You begin slowing down and taking life moment by moment in tune with the greatest tool you need for healing...yourself.

Thanks for being here,

💕Donna Bartos | Anxiety Recovery Blogger

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